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The annual Darwin Awards – Real Life Stupidity Personified

Darwin Awards for Stupidity

(email submission) Yes, it’s again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

The Glorious Winner:

1. When his 38 – calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
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A Lawyer’s Kindness

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.

‘Why are you eating grass?’ he asked one man.

‘We don’t have any money for food,’ the poor man replied.

‘Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,’ instructed the lawyer.

But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!’

‘Bring them along!’ replied the lawyer.
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Future Lawyer?

How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

Who could it possibly be

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup and when she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said that he was pleased and that she is in great shape, and happily announced that she was also one month pregnant. She told the doctor that there was no way she could be pregnant, but the doctor insisted.

Hillary stormed out of the office, went to the receptionist and asked to call the White House. When the operator answered, she explained that it was Hillary and that she needed to talk with Bill right away.

The operator rang the oval office, Bill answered and Hillary said, “I can’t believe it! I’m pregnant! You got me pregnant!”

The President remained silent.

Again, Hillary screamed, “I am pregnant! You got me pregnant!”

Finally Bill answered, “Who is this?”

Strange Lawyer

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

“That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, ‘THAT’S STRANGE!”

Creepy History – Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy

Have a history teacher explain this if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln’ made by ‘Ford.’

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here’s the kicker…

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?