If condoms had sponsors, you might find them packaged like these:
Archive for the 'Grown up Jokes' Category
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse,’ he mumbles, from behind the mask ‘Are my testicles black?’
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, ’I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body.’
He struggles to ask again, ‘Nurse, are my testicles black?’
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently. Then, she takes a close look and says, ‘No sir, they aren’t and I assure you, there’s nothing wrong with them, Sir !!’
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, ‘Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely…..
‘ A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k ?’…..
The best way of dealing with a nosy neighbor, compliments of Edward Scissorhands:
Continue reading ‘Naughty, naugthy, naughty! Some funny (and of course naughty) photos’
A little boy goes to his father and asks: “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers: “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I setup a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got a Male!
- ATTRACTION:Â The act of associating horniness with a particular person.
- LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
- DATING:Â The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
- BIRTH CONTROL:Â Avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
Continue reading ‘The Layman’s Guide to Dating & Relationship Lingo’