1. “This should be taken care of right away.”
“I’ve planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.”
2. “Wellll, what have we here….?”
Since he hasn’t the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.
3. “We’ll see.”
“First I have to check my malpractice insurance.”
4. “Let me check your medical history.”
“I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before I spend anymore time with you.”
5. “Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.”
“I’m playing golf this afternoon, then I’ve got a date.”
- OR –
“I need the money, so I’m charging you for another office visit.”
6. “I really can’t recommend seeing a chiropractor.”
“I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.”
7. “Hmmmmmmmm.”
Since he hasn’t the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt. (Proctologists also say this a lot.)
8. “We have some good news and some bad news.”
The good news is he’s going to buy that new BMW; the bad news is you’re going to pay for it.
9. “Let’s see how it develops.”
“Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.”
10. “Let me schedule you for some tests.”
“I have a 40% interest in the lab.”
11. “I’d like to have my associate look at you.”
“He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.”
12. “How are we today?”
“I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like crap.”
13. “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
“I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.”
14. “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
“I don’t know what it is, maybe it will go away by itself.”
15. “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
16. “This may smart a little.”
“Last week, two patients bit through their tongues.”
17. “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”
“I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.”
18. “This should fix you up.”
“The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.”
19. “Everything seems to be normal.”
“I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.”
20. “I’d like to run some more tests.”
“I can’t figure out what’s wrong, maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.”
21. “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”
He thinks your crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.
22. “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”
“I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.”
- OR –
“I haven’t had a good laugh all day.”
23. “If these symptoms persist, call for an appointment.”
“I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.”
24. “There’s a lot of that going around.”
“My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.”
