A man is a person who – if a woman says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself.”- lets her.
A woman is a person who – if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself.” and he lets her – gets mad.
A man is a person who – if a woman says to him, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her and she gets mad – says, “Now what are you mad about?”
A woman is a person who – if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” – says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you!”
Monthly Archive for December, 2005
Page 3 of 5
- As you shall make your bed so shall you……………mess it up.
- Better be safe than………………………punch a 5th grader.
- Strike while the ……………………………..bug is close.
- It’s always darkest before……………..daylight savings time.
- You can lead a horse to water but……………………….how?
- Don’t bite the hand that………………………..looks dirty.
- A miss is as good as a………………………………….Mr.
- You can’t teach an old dog new…………………………math.
- If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll…….stink in the morning.
- The pen is mightier than the…………………………..pigs.
- An idle mind is……………………….the best way to relax.
- Where there’s smoke, there’s………………………pollution.
- Happy the bride who……………………gets all the presents.
- A penny saved is………………………………….not much.
- Two’s company, three’s……………………….the musketeers.
- Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……you have to blow
your nose. - Children should be seen and not…………..spanked or grounded.
- When the blind leadeth the blind…………..get out of the way.
Storming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride.
“What’s the problem?”
“I want to hit that adulterin’ bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the oil man.
“I don’t know if that will fly,” said the lawyer. “I mean your wife isn’t a piece of property; you don’t own her!”
“Damn right,” the tycoon rejoined, “but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin’ rights!
Two hunters are out in the woods. They’re walking along in the woods quietly then suddenly one hunter collapses and starts foaming at the mouth, his eyes roll back in his head. The other hunter rips out his emergency cell phone and calls 991. “Help! My friends dead, I think!” he said into the phone. “Ok, calm down, sir. First make sure he’s dead” The operator says to him. There’s a long silence then suddenly a gunshot rings out…”Ok, he’s dead, now what?”
“One day a father and his rich family took his son to a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be.
They spent a day and a night in the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, “How was the trip?”
“Very good Dad!”
“Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked.
“Yeah!”
“And what did you learn?”
The son answered, “I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars.
Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon.”
When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.
His son added, “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are!”
Isn’t it true that it all depends on the way you look at things?
If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life — you’ve got everything!
You can’t buy any of these things, but still you can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing!