Signs Seen At Various Foreign Establishments

• In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are
  not person to do such thing is please not to read notice. (sic)
• In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
• In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
  During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
• In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit
  up.
• In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing
  floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number
  of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
• In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
• In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
  between the hours of 9 and 11 A. M. daily.
• In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the
  job of the chambermaid.
• In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
  composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
• In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors
  in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
• At an Acapulco hotel: The management has personally passed the water
  served here.
• On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope
  for.
• On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet
  soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
  beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
• In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous,
  efficient self-service.
• Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
• Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
• In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
  will execute customers in strict rotation.
• Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of
  Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed
  over the past two years.
• In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape
  since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
• In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
  porter.
• A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been
  passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
• In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
  having a good time.
• In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city
  tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
• Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your
  own ass?
• In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their
  own skin.
• On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work
  throughout its useful life.
• Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop, Drive Sideways.
• In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today – no ice cream.
• In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
  dressed as a man.
• At a Bangkok dry cleaner: Drop your pants here for best results.
• On a toy doll’s package in Spain: Laughs while you throw up.
• In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
• In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in
  all directions.
• On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the
  USSR, you are welcome to it.
• In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children
  in the bar.
• At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
  suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
• In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they
  are best in the long run.
• From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
  Cools and Heats: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
  control yourself.
• From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot
  heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he
  still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
• Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking. Here
  speeching American.

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